Sunday, April 9, 2017

A Dream of Discussing God
(In a dream someone asked me)
"Don't you find that God is an arrogant child?"
("Listening to no one and running wild,"
I thought in answer.
I remember the weathered face and the piercing light eyes,
And how he smiled slightly as he talked.
As if he knew Him.)

Friday, March 3, 2017

Between Grief and Going On
To find a balance takes something.
The deep dizziness,
The indecision.
Blurred vision
Facing the future.
Life isn't over,
Though destroyed.
You can hardly stand
But you take a step.
Drag your feet
But keep walking.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

I'll read the night and sleep the day
And so perhaps will pass away
The time I dread and cannot face:
Remembering the empty place.
The calendar returns the day.
The path we walked is still a way
I walk alone and see your face.
But tears and absence took your place.
Poems, stories, dreams, I waste the day,
Unconsciousness the only way.
I hide from and I seek your face
In memory or out-world place.
I'm awash and aswim 
in the missing of him
and the sadness and darkness and pain.
And the anger rolls on
and over me on
to the ends of the worlds that I'm in.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Hovering however high
The feathered eye
Goes seeing by.
I upturned under-sky
Pale fac-ed eye
Crawl hardly seeing by,
Too tethered to
The surface soil
To view with wings askew
From bold unbounded blue
As eagles do.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Blank before God
I step out of the shower.
He hasn't spoken to me in years
Or so much as inclined his ear
What am I to think?
But I learned about love as a youngling 
and I remember how to be loved.
I learned to love as a mother,
And I know the permanence of love,
Unwavering in the face of imperfection,
Diamond and lasting forever.

Maybe in my soul no longer a child
I do not need what I knew,
All that was taken away.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The sign on the door
I stepped into the room
Was that a shadowy figure 
Or just my expectation?
Trusting I
Began to list the woes 
Poured out my heart and told it
To someone?
There being no answer
No nod
No sympathetic gesture
I stood to go
I may return

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

do I think God is in the sky
any more than in the twigs
And I walk in the woods
I seek something above
and beyond these trees
But it is so dark in me
Now snow covers soil
The reaching trees stand here
I search the high sky
Looking up
When I could as well
lay my fingering
twigs upon my heart
and follow down roots
and delve most deep into the darkness
I come from

Thursday, December 1, 2016

 Christmas musings
It's been a long time since we've had a January
but there's one coming soon.
A long month with a lot of time for nothing,
many nothing-filled days.
With deadlines past,
we can sleep 'til noon,
warm leftovers when the afternoon darkens,
drink tea,
light candles alight.
Leave the dishes for tomorrow;
I'm busy with nothing tonight.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Does the leaf disrespect?
When it whines to the wind
of the places it's been
and the troubles it's seen.
When it sees the world whirling by
out of control,
in its dry crumbling roll
and its twisted air-lifted
expulsion from place.
When it loses its view
from the the top of the tree
down to low as can be,
and beginning to moulder.
Is it ruder and bolder
than nicety demands,
to look at the winds
that takes out of your hands
the precious, the needed,
and say wind I bleed?
Or is it an honesty
born of the knowing
that no one can talk of
their coming and going.

Proof of God
The beautiful words
And the terrible words
And the pain pain pain.
The secret thoughts
And the secret words
And the deep dark pain.
The sacrifice
No one ever sees
The quiet act
Done to serve or please
The inner voice
And the difficult choice
And the white hot pain.
The fading hope
And the dying dreams
Of what might have been.
The broken heart 
And the wasted life
And the agonizing
Loss that is death 
And the wish to live
And the wish to die
And the pain pain pain.