Monday, March 12, 2018

Sometimes I will allow myself
A song of lament no one hears
Oh god oh god oh god
It goes
As I walk
As I think
As I hear. 
And lament, lament,
I sing as I walk.
The comfort is in the singing
Of the song no one may ever hear
Or Someone may hear, I not knowing
Sing and listen,
And listen and sing.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

When the last person walks out of the room
I think about that I will die.
And it does not disturb me,
So I think I do not really think that I will die.
But sometimes I want to die,
And that does not really disturb me
So I think I do not really want to die.
So then I live.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

I think I will walk home while it is blue.
A Manitoba January dusk.
So quiet are the woods
I wish it was my heart.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

As if Christmas isn’t hard enough
With its all your family home
And you not telling
One will never come home again
Not shouting your anger
But pushing hard a silent smile
A week later there’s taking down the tree
Alone as it only can be
When the anger wells
And the sorrow flows
At each ornament dated in the beautiful past
And the remembered guilt when they put up the tree
How I turned away crying inside
And please god next year
May I be able to join and help deck out the tree
And make Christmas a joy
For those still gathering memories.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

A Dream of Discussing God
(In a dream someone asked me)
"Don't you find that God is an arrogant child?"
("Listening to no one and running wild,"
I thought in answer.
I remember the weathered face and the piercing light eyes,
And how he smiled slightly as he talked.
As if he knew Him.)

Friday, March 3, 2017

Between Grief and Going On
To find a balance takes something.
The deep dizziness,
The indecision.
Blurred vision
Facing the future.
Life isn't over,
Though destroyed.
You can hardly stand
But you take a step.
Drag your feet
But keep walking.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

I'll read the night and sleep the day
And so perhaps will pass away
The time I dread and cannot face:
Remembering the empty place.
The calendar returns the day.
The path we walked is still a way
I walk alone and see your face.
But tears and absence took your place.
Poems, stories, dreams, I waste the day,
Unconsciousness the only way.
I hide from and I seek your face
In memory or out-world place.
I'm awash and aswim 
in the missing of him
and the sadness and darkness and pain.
And the anger rolls on
and over me on
to the ends of the worlds that I'm in.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Hovering however high
The feathered eye
Goes seeing by.
I upturned under-sky
Pale fac-ed eye
Crawl hardly seeing by,
Too tethered to
The surface soil
To view with wings askew
From bold unbounded blue
As eagles do.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Blank before God
I step out of the shower.
He hasn't spoken to me in years
Or so much as inclined his ear
What am I to think?
But I learned about love as a youngling 
and I remember how to be loved.
I learned to love as a mother,
And I know the permanence of love,
Unwavering in the face of imperfection,
Diamond and lasting forever.

Maybe in my soul no longer a child
I do not need what I knew,
All that was taken away.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The sign on the door
I stepped into the room
Was that a shadowy figure 
Or just my expectation?
Trusting I
Began to list the woes 
Poured out my heart and told it
To someone?
There being no answer
No nod
No sympathetic gesture
I stood to go
I may return